I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
