some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
