By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
