Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
