it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
