So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
