did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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