that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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