Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
