hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
