Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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