he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
