do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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