she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
