I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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