I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
