she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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