she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
