I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
