there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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