Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
