I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
