Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
