started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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