The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
