Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
