I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
