that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
