I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
