there's paper in my vomit.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
