im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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