We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
