it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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