Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
