So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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