No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
