Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
