he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
