I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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