Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
