Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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