I hate all girls vehemently.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
