You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Randomize
