i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
