What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
