My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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