I love black thongs
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
