dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
