have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
