You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
