its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
