I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
