dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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