1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
