I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
